love.lulu

this morning, on my way to work,
a little squirrel darted out in front of my car.
i thought i was going to hit him.
but he pulled his tail up and in, and ran.
i missed.

yay!!

i rarely wished to add my voice to the banter of this year’s presidential election. the cutthroat mentality of the two sides has left many, myself included at times, frustrated and disillusioned with the current political makeup of America. both sides included.

but, as i’ve been soaking in the facts[?] thrown around about both candidates, i found myself engrossed in senator obama’s voting against the born alive protection act. in the transcript, he used this language to pose a question of the validity of the bill:

“…movement or some indication that, in fact, they’re not just coming out limp and dead…”

without wanting to pull his words from context and twist them, i want you to know that you can easily view the entire transcript online.

this language turned my stomach. still, the first time i read it, it sounded surprisingly familiar.

the more i thought about it, i realized that senator obama’s words echoed a poet i respect – gwendolyn brooks.

here is her poem, the mother, that i’ve always loved:

Abortions will not let you forget.
You remember the children you got that you did not get,
The damp small pulps with a little or with no hair,
The singers and workers that never handled the air.
You will never neglect or beat
Them, or silence or buy with a sweet.
You will never wind up the sucking-thumb
Or scuttle off ghosts that come.
You will never leave them, controlling your luscious sigh,
Return for a snack of them, with gobbling mother-eye.

Believe me, I loved you all.
Believe me, I knew you, though faintly, and I loved, I loved you
All.

mr. obama, you hit the nail on the head. but i think your words hold more weight than you realize…

unafraid.
you
look at me, pause.

birds
fly, wanting safety
from the homes once assuredly safe.

they are.

and i am happy here.

on my way to work.
i killed a bird.
it ran right into my car.

…

this better not become a consistent occurrence.
i’m not sure i would handle it well.

recently, i’ve been faced with death.

everywhere, it seems.
coming from every side, and multiple east coast states.
from roadkill, to multiple phone calls to mark the passing of loved ones.
with still more on the brink, waiting.

though for all, it proves relief to all involved from much burden and pain –
to say it’s not painful to lose them would be a lie.
but, the pain runs deeper when i don’t know where they’re going…

in it, i’ve tasted my own mortality.
realizing that more than ever, i wait expectantly for the day i can be with my God.

and see them again.

suddenly, priorities in life seem much clearer…

i couldn’t help but share this:

everybody needs to smile.
this made me smile.

on another note, i should post again soon. hopefully.

i’m working on writing an ode to north carolina.

we’ll see how it goes.

i noticed something so very exciting on my way to work today. then, i came up with this:

Alive –
Though frost and chill
Still ravage the earth this March
Yellow hues have broken through earth –
Daffodils.

yess. the poetic hiatus has ended.
so. excited.

i am a murderer.

this morning i was driving happily along the beautiful, curving country roads, on my way to work.

suddenly, a silhouette dashed out in front of my car — before i could respond to any sort of synapses, it was too late.

it was a cat.

and i killed it. viciously. with my car.

i won’t go into details, and from what i can tell there aren’t any remains of the poor thing on my car.

i just won’t look under it.

the worst part is, it looks like a cat that used to be mine. and i loved it.

actually, it also looked like my cat that i dissected my senior year in high school.

the cats we used were strays shipped in from mexico.

my friend from nc state is coming down to have lunch with me today.

…we’re having mexican.

…He endured the weight of the wrath of God. utterly alone.
we put Him there. He died for us…

for us…eternity has already begun.

think about that for a minute.
when these truths are fresh in my mind, how can anything matter more?

ps. i got a new car. ptl.

well, i’ve been trying to wait until i’ve come up with something quite ingenious to post, or write, for that matter.

but, i’ve decided, i have to start somewhere. even if it’s not spectacular.

instead, i’ve started to notice, again, that the world around offers interesting and wonderful things to us all the time, when we just stop to notice.

here are some things i’ve noticed in the past few days.

one. on my way to work today, i watched a man sitting in rush hour shave his head. with an electric razor. smiling, it went something like this: small circle, small circle, big circle…

two. a few days before that, i was in the grocery store, trying to decide on the best sort of bagged salad to get, and i started singing along to familiar lyrics:

i made a lot of mistakes, in my mind, in my mind…

apparently, Food Lion has started playing sufjan stevens for their shoppers. i wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

three. i am amused at my fondness for the Nissan Quest minivan. that’s all there is to say about that.

and four. on sunday, Phil said this: “the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being…”

that’s something to think about.